Learning Something New

I have always been to busy to do anything related to "fun stuff". Most of my contemporaries have at one time or another tried pot, I have always found something else to spend the money on, or something to do rather then attempt to use it. Besides if my parents tried to kill me because I was intoxicated on a couple of beers can you imagine what they would have done if I was high on weed? I shudder to think on it myself because I know how it killed them to watch one of their children get addicted and then die from a drug over dose, so no I wasn't one of those that experimented with drugs in the '80's while growing up in New York and other places around the world.

But now that I am in my forties I've tried it. Not sure I liked the fact that it was easy to lose so much control after all I am a control freak, but I was curious. I have often wondered, as well as, speculated on the reasons why people choose chemical oblivion to reality, but then again, I also believe to each his/her own so I had an experimental joint. Control left as well as coordination, visual acuity and a few other body functions but we are not going to discuss that one at this time just the skin. It was sensitive to EVERYTHING a breath blown on it gave it goose bumps in triplicate, A hand brushing across skin gave it a sensitivity that was almost painful but exhilarating and arousing one mustn't forget how arousing it was to be touched so delicately that sensations were all that could be focused on.

There is truth in wine. I gotta tell you there is truth in weed as well. It makes you think with one small part of your brain and wonder about the universe and how it connects to you, why it took you so long to have an experience that was mind conscious as well as body overly conscious. It stimulated to the point that all nerve endings were alive with a life of their own. You that have tried this shrug your shoulders and say so what I who ever never done this in my life wonder at what else I have missed. However I am not going to attempt to find out at this late stage. K keeps telling me that I told him that life is for the living and should be lived to the fullest and to some extent I agree with my own thoughts on this. The thing you have to remember is all things in moderation.

So I've had my drug experiment, it was a remarkable experience and I have every intention of trying it one more time to see if the sames results occur, but that is all I am going to do. Why if it was wonderful would I stop? Because along with the good there is bad. I don't like the amount of control I lost. Not that I was nympho maniac or anything not that it scared me to lose that much of my natural inhibitions, but the lack of control and feeling of bewilderment is not acceptable to me. So I've had my experiment with drugs and it was mind blowing, but in this case twice will be enough for me.

K has moved into his new home, and is as enthusiastic about it as a puppy having his first car trip, scared of the unknown, happy to be there, and proud of the accomplishment. It's a perfect abode for him just large enough to have fun and small enough to be comfortable after all it is in the Keys and as all Floridians know that is one seriously restricted area to live. So down the road I went to visit him in his little spot of paradise. He's kinked it up a little and there are a few eyebolts hanging from the ceiling being disguised as plant hooks He invited me down for a munch in the area. The setting for this meeting was little vague but we were game to try and meet other like minded adults. The meeting place was Kelly's at 8pm at the bar and latter we would be going to the same place for dinner. We waited for 45 minutes getting there at about 7:55 ordering drinks non alcholic of course there was a play party after and his instructions were to be cold stone sober as well as understand that we would NOT be playing just observing the demonstrations that would be performed. I must say I was looking forward to it since I haven't had the time to participate in the local community having had no time to do much of anything until recently.I am not sure they didn't show but I know we didn't meet anyone. It was more of a disappointment for him then for me. He was looking forward to being there, and coming out as a member of the BDSM community in the Keys. There was some inner turmoil for the group leader or perhaps we were in the wrong place at the wrong time in any case it was a no show for them. So I got a tour of Duval Street a place I avoid when I'm down there visiting, finally made it inside a bar and ordered a drink, and spent 5 days with one of my favorite people. Discovered a few other new things that I hadn't known and zipped around town on the scooter that is there for my exploring. Visited an art festival and did not pick up any thing new, but saw some truly beautiful things. I love art I am no expert on it, but I do know what I like and what I find beautiful. One of the artist did silk embroidery it was unbelievalbly beautiful as well as expensive. I think I am getting a little mercenary in my new working days because I calculated how many days I'd have to work to afford one of his pieces and it came to two pay periods would cover the cost of one of his pieces and I thought hmmm yes beautiful but nope not for the kid.I have this little bit of time before work so figured I'd better get the blog updated on my doings for the past 5 days and see what the rest of the world was up to before work

This weekend I was down visiting K for a munch and time off for working well. I normally take my toy bag which is a large suitcase down with me. It actually goes every where in the car with me because I have no space in the house to keep it yes I know what in the devil do you mean no place to put it. I live in a 840 sq feet of living space and minimal storage so it stays in the car. Any way in this bag are the "tools" of the trade: floggers a whip, paddles, crops, rope, bungee cord with hooks, dildoes of silicon, pyrex, and rubber, shackles in metal, humbler, and locks and keys for humbler and shackles, restraints for wrist and ankle, strap ons, gloves, lube, antiseptic, pain cream condoms, anal probes both electronic and stationery, a complete first aid kit and vibrators. The paddles are wooden and made by me and I gotta tell you I ain't bad as a wood worker I have made a great deal of my own things and for the most part they are pretty sturdy and long lasting one of the floggers I made is coming up on it's 15th birthday and still is going strong, however I was using the paddles and they both cracked vertually in the same place dead center while in use. Talk about a pause in rhythm I paniced thought I had to pull splinters out of his bum. Fortunately I didn't both breaks were clean So I am going to have to go back to DomDepot and find me A really nice piece of Oak again and start the process all over again. This time I going for something a little thicker previous was 1X5 this time I am going to go for 2x6 perhaps wider and thicker will withstand the hardness of his bum. I'll let you know what happens.Second thing I was wondering does anyone out there have a clue how to reduce the thickness of a ball sack. I've tried all that I know and although there is more space between penis and ball sack the amount of meat that can be stretched has not decreased the circumference of the area used to place a ball stretcher or a parachute. unless I figure out a way to a make this space thinnner I am never going to be able to use my humbler in that area. Hes' been stretching for all he's worth however the balls are starting to hang but the meat in the area is not thinning out. Any help in that area would be helpful.

Work the Other Reason for Getting Out of Bed

Here's the deal working decided that ok perhaps the old job has a clue about what life I could have while doing it just not in the same venue but on the floor so no longer am I an intake indvidual of exceptional brilliance, kindness and generous spirit. Now I am a floor nurse of aching feet, sore back, and tired body. But ya know what I TEE TOTALLY LOVE IT WHOOO HOOOOO

To Blog or not to Blog and the Consequences

The thing that makes me laugh about him is that one of his requirements is putting in a blog once a week. It can be on anything that meets his fancy about sessions together, things that happen in his life or just observations in day to day life. He hates it but once he gets it in it's always well written and coherent unlike his Ma'am blogs which occasionally make sense. He is a progressive thinker is my subby normally logical with an understanding of cause and effect. However he hasn't figured out yet that if the blog isn't in on time there are consequences. Not that he's an idiot, he isn't, he just hates writing and he will try to negotiate ways of putting it off as long as possible. Most of the time I find it amusing because he is learning there is no compromise in this at least very little. I can be understanding but the blog is the thing.His dead line is Thursday at 5 pm because I know that in his line of work Friday to Monday are his busiest time of the week. The other day before work, we had one of our conversations about blogging. I cut him some slack because he was trying to move into his new home, internet service was down because of moving in to said home and the electricians hadn't been in yet, So yes this week I did compromise and told him it could be later but it had to be in by Sunday no later then 5pm. The conversations started off pretty good he's been doing his stretching exercises to stretch specific areas for use as well as discussions on an up coming visit for a party here with a few of my friends, as well as when we would be meeting next and at the close of conversation came the usual reminder about the blog and I got the normal groan/moan and comment about the blog. Then the negotiations started with the stipulation that consequences would not be pleasant. Then the funny stuff started the Internet was down, he suddenly needed a nap he felt that he couldn't possibly continue because of his exhaustion and so on and so on. I explained gently that I would be more then happy to concede the extra day or two, however there would be consequences to the deed but yes he could post Monday instead of Sunday. He prefers knowing exactly what he is getting into and I am one to like to give him a surprise or two when it comes to punishments after all surprises are always a welcome event in ones life are they not? I know for a fact that he can't sit still for more then 20 minutes unless he is involved with something and even with involvement, it's an iffy proposition. He doesn't like and hates the flicker whip. I like it so much because according to him "it gets his attention". He is also a male with pride for the services he renders. So as gently as I could I conceded the point of the blog and told him the consequences of not having it in on time. The profusion of Ma'am I have to get off the phone to do the blog like now was amusing to say the least. I laughed so hard I was crying. I gotta tell ya the boy can make me laugh. I had to rescind the stipulation that if you can make me laugh you won't get punished just because of him.So now he's awaiting the consequences of his actions and what he has accomplished with procrastination.

Friends are Worth the Effort

I treat friendship as a special gift. I am not talking acquaintance here someone that you know casually that knows nothing about you I am talking about someone that knows you inside and out your good points and your bad and accepts you anyway. One of the hardest things for me to do is acquire a friend of the same sex. One of my brothers told me is that I may be built like a girl and have most of the emotions of one but for some reason I have a Y chromosome somewhere and it comes out when there is female drama. I socked him in the nose at the time but on reflection I may have to admit that he had a point. Most of my friends are male. I get along a better with males and last but not least I understand them better. I met Niki when I started school and we've been going strong ever since. We, and I do mean we survived her divorce, as well as her finding her feet after dealing with an idiot for husband as well as the male population at large. She is beautiful, vanilla as they come and coming into her dominant life. No she isn't a dominant in the lifestyle but she is finally getting a sense of her worth. That she does deserve the best that life has to offer and she does deserve a break now and then. We have laughed and cried over lifes little tricks and she helped me survive my brothers death with grace, wit and a strong slap on the ass to snap out of it. We have discussed my activities so she has an idea of what I truly am like. Mind you when I met her she had no clue about what BDSM is she does now and I think is the better for it. I know I am the better for her influence in my life I am somewhat more tolerant of drama as well as getting my thoughts straight, she has helped me curb my impatiences and see the other side of an argument more clearly then I have ever before. The other day she paid me the compliment that I am the only friend she has that doesn't want anything from her other then her company and if I help I have a solid means of doing so other then giving advice. When I graduated this past fall one of the things we discussed was when we graduated we would take a trip. We could go anywhere we wanted after all she was heading to pharmacy school and I was going to be the baddest nurse type person on planet earth. Yes occasionally I have delusions of granduer and hang for 4 or 5 days and not have a care in the world. We were supposed to graduate together however due to the divorce her plans went on hold. When I graduated from school she had been struggling with being the sole support of herself, her children (2 wonderful boys) and her mother. She according to her had been husband since hers' had left and she was so tired of it that she needed a break from EVERYBODY. Since both of us were short of money the trip I wanted to go on which was a barefoot cruise was not possible at the time, but I promised that once I got established and started getting a steady income we would save up for it and we meaning she and I would hit the caribbean and enjoy ourselves for 7 sun filled days and 6 starlite nights, but until that time where was it that she hadn't been in Fl, that we could drive to within 8 hours, and have some fun. She chose Key West she had never been and had heard of Fantasyfest. Althouh it was the wrong season for we had missed it by about 2 months she still wanted to go. I called K and asked him could he help us. He did and we arrived around 2 am booked into a hotel and conked out. But that next 2 days we crammed everything we could being tourist and damn near killed ourselves having fun. I think we both were more tired on the way up then we were on the way down. She had the hotel room to herself and my car keys. I spent the nights with K and used the scooter to get to the hotel. We'd meet for breakfast and plan our day which included most if not all the tourist traps in town lunch somewhere different and dinner either with K or at a restaurant. It was great it was the first time I had shared my favorite place with anyone before or introduced K to a friend of mine. She wasn't judgmental but she was interested. They had both been driving me crazy before the trip about how they should treat each other my thought on the whole situation is that they were both humans duh treat him/her as you wanted to be treated. And when they met, it was good both a little shy, both a little uncertain but for the most part I think it went well.During our days there, I could see the stress and worry leave her as the day turned into night and we did everything that tourist do down there. I owe K a vote of thanks for the attractions he called in favors for. She learned how to ride a scooter as well as enjoyed herself and relaxed. In my mind it was the best tank of gas I have ever used. For me the best part was the sunset cruise on one of the tall ships. We talked for hours on that boat about things we wanted, hoped for, dreamed of, planned for, relationships present, past and future, the hows and whys of BDSM and how I managed to find my treasure. It was a good trip.So now we are going to try it again when school lets out and we are taking her boys down there to enjoy themselves. The only stipulation is that both report cards have to be passing and conduct has to be good. So far they are in compliance and I am looking forward to showing them what I consider joy on earth.Another thing that struck me as weird was that I had been going to Keys and Key West for the past six years almost from the beginning of my life here in South FL. However I had never met K while I was there never even seen him for that matter. Why strange you say? Key West is a very small town population that actually lives there is small. While I was there this time we compared when we both had seen in the area and it was so frequent it was almost scary however it took a blog and an interest for us to actually meet. Talk about life is strange and it's a small world. However it is a good world

Worshipping

Here's the thing, most people don't know I crave to be worshipped. So, now everyone knows. I realize being dominant goes hand and hand with wanting to be worshipped. But I honestly, didn't realize the extent of my craving until K. I thrive on his accessibility and submission. I use it, it rejuvenates and stimulates, as well as relaxes. But never abuse it Just sink into it as if it was a warm soft down comforter and let it surround me in it's warmth. I am his Ma'am such a short title that carries so much with it. The joy and thrill of hearing it softly, with strain, with gritted teeth or with laughter. The control that that short title creates when he address me as such. For me it is calming and rewarding. His Ma'am. The concentration and the needs that one word can mean to him. I enjoy the feelings that one word gives me whether he is kneeling awaiting the emblem of his service or standing with his hands folded behind his back and his eyes on me awaiting a command. The seriousness of his face and the relaxed stance of his body while at attention. How is that you ask the opposities at the same time? It is that he stands erect but his body is relaxed in anticipation of what is about to come without fear of injury. No matter what there is about to occur there is always that soft gleam of joy in his eyes that he can provide a way to please me.There is nothing I could ask or want of him that he would consider humilating. Isn't that strange that the thought is to obey, as well as, willingness to give up control of mind, body, and will. True there are moments of hesitation because the command was not as concise as it should have been. Once all is understood, there is no hint of hesitation on his part and a gleam in his eyes for the service he provides. Worship healthy, stable, and rational worship of his Ma'am, with imagination without looking for reward, but knowing the service provided may be worthy of reward.He is different my "special K" (LO) he is remarkable for what he gives freely and sometimes with laughter and joy. His definition of worhsip is so simple, please Ma'am. It is I believe sincere, which is all one can ask of ones submissive.When I visit I make myself comfortable, snuggling into the sofa, relaxing with intelligent conversations that run the gambit from history to modern times activiities to be done while sipping a glass of wine, or eating a meal. The time I think is well spent enjoying beautiful sunsets, roosters crowing in the early dawn or just cuddling under covers like two children waiting for the sun to shine. There are soft caresses and gentle nudges a warm body slowly shifts within my arms and there is that soft murmur of "Yes Ma'am".Then there are the massages slow, easy gentle rubbing of the skin and muscles beneath that relax the body to the point of bliss, and make the body feel as if it is one long moan of comfort. I truly enjoy those and they too are a form of worship. The coffee pot awaiting my awakening so that even if he is not there in the morning because of work that too is a form of worship. It is those little things that make one enjoy the worshipper. These may seem like little things to someone but the consistent performance of these task are a form of worship to me. So yes there is such a thing as healthy worship. I see it and feel it when ever we are together. It may not be at the shrine but then again the mind and body are shrines are they not?