Slow and Easy Works Best

How does one get one's sub to be the obedient joy of ones life. Not sure about anyone Else's point of view but I do know mine. People I have come in contact with from time to time say I move to slow in setting up meetings and getting to know the individual I wish to control. And yes they are right I do go slow for two reasons actually.

When I was young and learning the "ropes" of a D/s relationship I acquired a submissive through a munch after several meetings during munches, in private conversations both face to face, online and email. After about a month of discussion and deciding what we were both interested in learning about and what we had experience in, I suggested that we meet. We did.

He looked normal and rational, I thought he was well adjusted and reasonably sane male with a life and job and a few kinks that were similar to my own. I never heard anything that gave me pause during our conversations nor did the others that attended the munches have anything bad to say about him, so after asking and receiving the information requested about his health, marital status, and discussing what I expected from him as well as what he could expect from me, we began.

At first it was evenings out in the company of others which was from what I saw a little uncomfortable for him but he adjusted to the way I operated very well. It took about another month and a half for that first session to materialize and that went well also. Each session after the first became easier and more fun to do he was willing and acceptable as was I to the way things were going. Nothing seemed abnormal or odd about him or his behaviour.

We had been seeing each other weekly for about 4 or 5 months when he went off his medications and didn't tell anyone especially me which didn't know he was on meds. Unbeknownst to me the individual was schizophrenic and was well monitored during our times together however his financial support wasn't forth coming and the first thing he stopped purchasing was his meds. It took about 4 weeks for the effect to become apparent, but me being an idiot didn't realize that his behaviour was any different then at any other time but for the last time we met.

I landed in the hospital with broken bones, a concussion, dislocated parts as well as bruised kidneys. It was a lesson well learned so I go slow, I take my time and am very careful with the people I allow into my world as well as those that I allow in my home.

Why am I thinking of the past instead of the bright and shiny future? Because if we don't know where we have been, history can and will repeat itself and the next time I might not be so lucky as to get away with just broken things that mend.

The point I had been trying to make with the recounting of this life event, if I had taken a little longer to get to know the individual then I had, I would have been more aware of his "normal" medicated behaviour as apposed to his "un-medicated behaviour" I would have discovered that he took medications that changed his personality to the person that I saw when we went to the movies or out to dinner or walked in the park.

I have always found that to be in this type of relationship trust is required a serious amount of trust to be exact and part of what builds that trust is understanding and learning the person you are going to be dealing with whether that person is Domme or submissive, slave or Mistress you have to know the individual you are with. It is said that BDSM is based on first honesty, second consensual, and third sane, if any of those elements are missing you have a problem. If all are missing you have a deaster waiting to happen.

The last part I have to say is know yourself. How can you know someone if you don't know yourself and understand your motivation and reasoning behind the actions you take. I know me from the toes of my feet to the tip of the longest hair on my head. I know why I do the things I do whether I want to admit it to another living soul or not I admit it to myself why I do the things I do not just in BDSM but in life's situations. If you are not familiar with the workings of your own mind and able to control yourself, how can you get in touch with those of which you hope to control and control them?